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During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.She's hitting the bottle." A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wadding, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go? " So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with the gas." The cowboy replies, "Absolutely not. I'm not having gas." So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "Here," he says. " The doc replies, "Viagra." The cowboy looks surprised and asks, "Will that kill the pain?

When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug. " OPINIONS On the first day of school, a new starter handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents..." KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.

" POLICE #1 While taking a routine vandalism report at a primary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoelace? Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. " ELDERLY While working for an organisation that delivers lunches to the elderly, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop? My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. " It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

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